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While we would like all the JSC stories to be happy ones, that is just not always the case. We would like you to take a look at the situation that occured down under.(see below) The net and love can be very exciting. Try to be calm and rational (not easy when love strikes!!)...so things work for the long term. We are not sure if we subscribe to the writers solution to the situation...but we do agree caution is in order.
Subject: First (?) JSC Divorce
To the JSC Editor
It would appear that our marriage (Australia-Australia) was one of the very early ones in the annals of the JSC. We have not previously told you of "our good news" since the "good" part of it evaporated very shortly after our marriage. Nevertheless, we "met" through JSC in June 96 and got married in January 97. It was my first marriage (at 45), her second.Five months later our marriage was over. Today, slightly over 12 months since our marriage disintegrated, we have filed for civil divorce. And today also we attended the Beit Din to arrange the Get.
It just wasn't meant to happen that way.
The message from the ordeal - the internet and JSC in particular is a wonderful opportunity to "meet" new people. It is truly an awe-inspiring means of establishing friendships and relationships amongst distant people, which hopefully will lead to many kosher Jewish marriages and families. It is a true God-send for singles in smaller Jewish communities.
Should these cyberspace relationships become serious, the message from our story is that no-one should even consider marriage before they have lived together seriously. Even if it means that someone has to move from one city to another, from one country to another in the expectation of ultimately getting married, you just have to live together first.
Live with the person. Don't stake your life on the written word alone. Or even on the sound of the voice over the phone. Don't get carried away with the excitement of the technological romance.
Experience the reality.Settle in to the relationship, properly, before you even consider scheduling dates or arranging receptions.
The Net and JSC serve wonderfully to facilitate the contact. But that contact needs to be built upon in the real world. Two people who might come frrom different cities or countries need to look and touch and experience each other before commiting to a lifetime together. This is the fundamental difference between the Internet/JSC and Tevya the matchmaker in Anatevka. In a small town, a couple will get to know each other if they don't already.
Over the net, doesn't matter how prolific the correspondence, it's not reality. It's not tangible.
We are both articulate, intelligent individuals. We communicated at great length, openly and in great depth by email, as a result of which we got to
know each other "intimately" through this new medium, this new technology. We spoke for countless hours by phone. We commuted at great distance, frequently and at considerable expense. We were confident it would work. But we just didn't live together for long enough before we stood under the chuppah together.
Friends, learn from this experience. It will save you pain and much sadness which we have both experienced. In every respect this experience was too costly, too difficult and too painful for others not to learn the lesson.
AS
Melbourne
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last update 05/08/00